If you haven’t come across this parenting advice, you likely soon will: Let go and embrace the chaos. I have a slightly different take: Grab onto God and embrace the growth. The former is a necessity; the latter, an opportunity new parents can easily miss.

New parents need a heads-up on a few things in order to extract every ounce of awesome a growing family can produce. It begins with understanding the multifaceted challenges of early parenthood so these trials don’t multiply through the element of surprise. It expands by gaining the right insight and perspective on these challenges.

The Great Shift: From Independent Adult to Parent

Put plainly, parenting littles is hard (and awesome, and beautiful, and miraculous — but hard). It’s not just sleepless nights — although sleep deprivation levels up all other challenges when under its spell. It’s not just rearranging the family schedule when illness strikes — although gymnast-like agility is necessary, and sick days are pervasive with little ones. It’s not just untimely toddler tantrums — although teaching a child emotional regulation tests our patience (and sanity) like no other. Adjusting to parenthood also requires managing weighty emotional mash-ups, working through changing marriage dynamics, and crafting your unique parenting journey amidst the voices and influences of endless parenting “experts.”

You’ve just leaped from being a young, independent adult to being a parent. It’s a massive shift. Many new parents experience a profound loss of freedom. Previous leisure activities (and trivial things like sleep) give way to caregiving. The round-the-clock nature of caring for a young child is hard to grasp until you live it. Someone has to be on duty to soothe the gassy tummy, fetch the pacifier out from under the crib at 2 a.m., and run to the ER when baby’s eyes swell up — every second of every day. Weekends. Holidays. All the days. A disorienting combination of simultaneous love and overwhelm is an all-too-common experience of young parents — especially mothers. Fathers may feel uncertain about how best to support their wives and bond with a baby attached to mom. Fathers also internalize added stress as they assume ownership of the overall safety and well-being of the family. Big, often conflicting, emotions are common in the early years, so don’t let them throw you. Of course, the miracle you hold in your arms each day tames these challenges. Loving your precious baby is life-giving. Watching them grow, smile, belly laugh, and discover the world brings joy beyond measure.

Building a Parenting Partnership

Your relationship with your spouse will change. How you prepare and approach partner-parenting will determine if this change is for better or worse. The dramatically increased workload can create strain, especially when one parent (often mom) feels she is carrying more of the load. This resentment risk, paired with sheer exhaustion, threatens connection time. If you do nothing else, prioritize regular time for communication and connection with your spouse. Regular, grace-filled conversations ensure both partners feel loved and supported through these unpredictable years.

The day-to-day demands of early parenting can lead some to neglect the critical big picture. Yet, developing this vision in partnership with your spouse is essential. Each of you has a vision of how your growing family will operate. You need to work together to align on these expectations:

• What will the division of labor look like for your family? This needs to be detailed. (Find a detailed check-list by visiting lori-arnold.com/book)
• Will one or both of your careers shift to allow the parenting time you feel is necessary?
• How will discipline be handled in your family?
• How will you partner to raise your child with a biblical worldview in a culture that is increasingly counter-Christian?

Developing these priorities will be your guiding light, ensuring your parenting journey is uniquely your own—and I encourage you to make it your own. Comparison is inevitable when you combine new territory with a deep desire to be the best parent you can be. Endless online parenting “experts” will serve up conflicting information on child-rearing. Trust your gut. Look to couples who are parenting the way you want to parent, learn from them, and free yourself from the opinions or highlight reels of others.

Never forget: parenting is major. You are in unfamiliar territory, accompanied by a steep learning curve. Give yourself and your spouse an immense amount of grace as you scale it and scale it again in each new parenting phase.

Embrace the Growth

When was the last time you experienced a jolt of personal growth? Was it on a typical day, going through the same routine and doing the same things you’ve long mastered? Of course not. We grow when we’re challenged. Parenting, and all its accompanying changes, sets the table for deep personal growth. You will grow in patience, self-sacrifice, empathy, creativity, problem-solving, perspective, humility, resourcefulness, and so much more. This is the meaty stuff. This is the growth that strengthens the soul– the type that leads us to walk closer to Jesus. Is it hard? Absolutely. Growth lives in the hard times. When it comes knocking at your door (and wakes the baby up!), recognize that God is using parenthood to make you better. Don’t miss it.

Parenting also makes us better through self-reflection. As our children mirror every word and action, we are forced to recognize our own shortcomings and keep them in check:

• Want a courteous child? “Please” and “Thank you” should be vocabulary mainstays.
• Want your child to be patient? Calm your voice as you clean the crayon marks off the walls.
• Want your child to place more importance on relationships than screens? Put down the phone and give him your full attention for the dozens of “look at me” requests.
• Want to raise a child of faith? Let her see you pray regularly.

Parenting offers us many chances to get better as humans. We are our children’s first-line teachers — and we get to grow right alongside them.

Grab onto God

Through all the hard and all the adjusting, it’s a good idea (as in all circumstances) to keep God first. Some days, you will feel overwhelmed. God sees you. He knows you are doing your best. Our Lord is greatly pleased by the quiet service you dedicate to your family each day (Hebrews 6:10). He is there for you. Stay in prayer. As quiet time dwindles (especially as babies become toddlers), consider fueling spiritual growth through ten-second prayers:

• “Lord, please forgive me for being quick to anger, and help me grow in patience.”
• “Father, please help me show my spouse grace in this moment.”
• “God, please help me shift my frustration to gratitude.”

God will lift you up and use this one-of-a-kind vocation to draw you closer to him if you let him. The greatest things in life are the fruit of hard work. As a parent, you will work harder, love harder, and sacrifice harder than you knew possible. And you will bear the fruit of this “hard” for your child and yourself in abundance.

If you want a deeper look into the unspoken challenges and underrated awesomeness wrapped up in the first years of motherhood, check out the book “Heads Up, Mom.”

Until then, I wish you all the joy and blessings.